Day 7 of New Moon in Taurus 10 Day Self-Love Challenge has me confronting my dark side… every last bit of it. With all the astrological influences afoot on top of 2017 trying get us to realize our greatest authority– the old stuff is rising up to the surface to be handled for final release. Here’s a list of my crap that I’m confronting. I would LOVE it if you would share in the Comments some of your personal trials:
- Taxes and bill collection for hidden or missed monies owed, thus taking away from what I’ve been building. Harumph. This means that I have to deal with issues of lack and abundance. It’s time to confront these.
- A shifting in the way I do my work. Following my heart means that I only do what I want to do. I don’t ever do things to make money. EVER. I do only what feels empowering and money comes on its own. When I have more outgo than income, my ego wants me to take action from a place of fear and lack, not act on my Intuition.
- Sex and Men. Who I’m attracting, how we’re connecting, how to have true intimacy and how to put off the carnal urges in service to the bigger picture.
- Friendship. How to maintain long-distance intimate friendship with the people I love and make room and space for new lovable connections. In the past, I have been out of sight, out of mind. That’s not the way to maintain connection! I have been blessed with a wonderful circle of friends and I am determined to honor this gift.
- Beauty. I have made a drastic change in my appearance and I have to deal with my shy self which says, “It’s too extreme. You’re gonna have to field all the questions and comments. People are going to notice you.” I gotta deal with that aspect of myself.
- Weight gain. I’ve stopped gaining, but I’ve gotta deal with the excess and that means that I have to look at my commitment to my goals and will power. I can’t keep eating until the pain stops me. I have to put down the fork and address that demon.
- Follow-through. I have to confront this big, bad demon. I lack follow-through, commitment and the stamina to see things through. Well, that is the story in my head. But now I have to turn that belief on its head and know that I am capable and reliable.
- Health. UGH! My health is being confronted. I have some issues and I’m dealing with them now.
- My voice. The Throat Chakra rules self-expression and speaking one’s truth. Mine has been blocked and these last few weeks, I have been diligently working on it, which means that I have to sing out and hear my voice in all its flaws and weaknesses. VERY confronting!
- Communication. Mercury is retrograde, and Croatian language is so challenging! I cannot even form a simple sentence. But I am working on it. Being in class is bringing up all my old shit about being in school and being challenged beyond what I believe I can handle.
All of these issues that I am confronting are not a bad thing. They are all front and present because they want to be released. I discussed in a video a few days ago that Self-Love requires 100% confidence, not perfection. The perfectionist in me is the being that lets shit build up until it becomes a big problem. The confident one knows how to reach for balance and allowance and inspired action. It doesn’t have to be perfectly executed according to some idealistic plan, but rather the solutions felt through the Intuition and the heart, which can sometimes be gritty and flawed. The key to Self-Love is to know who You Are. You Are I AM. You are not your ego, you are not your experiences, opinions, beliefs, limitations, upbringing, heritage, your body, your community, nor even the child of your parents. You Are I AM that I AM. You are the indescribable, unconditional, loving, creative extension of Source energy.
I’ve had lots of people write me telling me about all the crap that’s showing up for them right now. My response is what I’ve been saying all along in my New Moon in Taurus Self-Love Challenge: We’re building a new foundation so that we can plant great seeds that will yield outstanding crops. We gotta go in and work that soil to get rid of the rocks and debris that don’t serve our vision. Now is the time to confront and conquer. The walking dead of our egos have got to be put down! Ha! Here I go making another The Walking Dead reference, but shit, it’s relevant. The walking dead are bodies without souls that are re-animated. It is clear that it is a shell because the person, the soul, has died and there’s a bacteria in the brain that reanimates the body and uses it as a vehicle. It is very clear that there is no life in the body. It is a reanimated corpse without a purpose in itself except to feed and proliferate the bacteria. So it is imperative that we kill the walking dead because the LIFE purpose has been served already through the soul, which has departed. It’s the same thing with our own personal inner egoic points of reference– our stories. We retell stories of limitation, victimhood and sorrow and in time and with intention we find forgiveness and we understand where things went wrong and we make amends; but that damn trigger keeps coming back. Kill it, dammit! Stick your pick right through the cerebellum and set yourself free! Don’t actually poke your physical body, but when you see your inner zombie coming back in this mindless rhetoric that is eating you alive, put your big, black boot through its skull and smash it. Put the quash on those old stories of separation and let go; let God. You’re never going to get fully empty of all your shadow. But you can totally focus on something adorable, creative and happy and stop being ruled by your own ready-to-be-deceased freakazoid.
Okay. That’s my post today. Ooooh. I love me some zombies. They illustrate some really great human concepts.
Hey, do you ever notice how in zombie movies, they rarely reference zombie movies. Like not once in The Walking Dead has anyone ever said, “Hey, in Dawn of the Dead, they set them on fire.” I think that a genre will ignore itself sometimes.