For the last two nights–no! Actually, since the Full Moon four nights ago, I have not been able to sleep for more than two hours over the course of a night. The first two nights, it was the Full Moon shining in my big glass windows. I sleep with the doors open and the curtains wide because I love the wilderness at night. This was a habit that I picked up when traveling through Bali, Indonesia. There I had a lovely single bedroom that looked over the jungle and at night, the sound of the night birds and crickets would fill my ears while the spirits of the wilderness would enter my room at their will, working their healing administrations on me and deepening my connection to Mother Nature. Here in Farrera, I have a phenomenal view of glorious mountains that are literally just on the other side of a little valley. They’re just a stone’s throw away. I keep the windows open at night, letting in the spirits of the forest, the radiation of the stars and the loving caress of the moon. When the moon is full here, it floats laterally across the landscape, so its light trails slowly across my room, bathing it in majestic silver. On the first night of the full moon, I found myself practically drowning in the moon’s radiance at 2:30am. I tried to rollover and block it out, but I felt like I was being called, and only a fool ignores the moon when she reaches out to them. So I crawled out of bed and staggered to my balcony. There she was adorning the sky– a big glowing orb so bright that I felt compelled to shield my eyes. I took a deep breath and took her into my heart, my body and my mind. I surrendered to her and felt a minor sense of dread! My egoic mind KNEW that I was in for some serious transformation and that part of me whined quietly, “Why can’t I just go get some sleep? I just want to sleep!” The more wise part of me smiled with compassion, and I gave myself a little hug and soothed my ego with words of comfort and protection.
Gosh. I began writing this post about… what? Mosquitoes? Yes. I was going to write that I had been tormented by the little critters for two nights straight and that I am utterly sleep deprived, but then I started talking about the moon! It’s funny how my mind can go from one place to another.
But actually, I realize that there is yet another purpose to this missive. Sekhmet Devi.
Okay. So last night, I was attacked by several mosquitoes and no matter how much I tried to meditate and pray, I couldn’t get any rest. At 6am, I finally fell asleep for two hours and I awoke and remembered that I am committed to running up this steep ass trail that leads out of the village into the forest every other day. That sense of dread came over me as my ego began whining that I was too tired and that it didn’t want to go running. Four nights without sleep was making me cranky. The resistance to running was so strong that I was succumbing and finding myself tempted to go online and start working. In the past, work was always an excellent excuse for getting out of doing anything that I didn’t want to do, but now, I am working on actually committing to things and following through with them. I made a commitment to running every other day and I feel like it is important to keep my word to myself. Now, don’t get me wrong, if I had discerned that I was actually physically exhausted, I would not have run. But I was more mentally exhausted from all the energetic processing I’ve been doing, but that was not reflected in my body to the point that I should make the choice to forego my run. It just wasn’t the case. I needed to go running to honor my soul.
So as I sat witnessing my resistance, I made a conscious decision to work with where I was authentically. So I called on God. I’ve been calling on ‘God’ in father form recently, because that is what I feel intuitively like I need right now in my life– masculine guidance. I have, for years, been calling on Goddess and she has really taken care of me. Oh my gosh, has The Goddess hooked me up! But like I said, my need these last couple of weeks has been for Father, and so God it is (although, I still see God as a totality– both masculine and feminine.) So I called on God and said, “Father, help me. I feel intuitively like I have the strength to go run. I know that I can do it and be without injury. I made a commitment to run and I don’t want to break my commitment. I want to keep my word to myself. But my mind doesn’t want to go and I feel so weak to resist the temptation.” I sat there for a minute and then I thought that I wanted a tarot card for guidance and support. I focused on that prayer that had I made to God a moment earlier and this is the response that I got from the Druidcraft Tarot: The reversed King of Cups. When I looked at the picture, I saw a fat man sitting on a throne, but the card was upside down. The fat man made me feel guilty for my weight gain and I felt a little spark of enthusiasm for my run. That was pretty interesting. But then when I read the card description from the booklet, I was like, wow– spot on!
The card can symbolize a partner who is confused and unable to commit, or someone unable to control powerful currents of emotion… The card may be warning you to take steps to avoid possible depression or self-destructive behavior.
Ha! I was really blown away by the highlighting of my inability to commit. This has been my primary focus of healing for the last two weeks. I am making all sorts of commitments right now and I am seeing very clearly how easy it is for me to avoid commitment. In fact, it has been my M.O. all my life. But that has changed recently and today’s battle with my run was a challenge to my commitment level. After reading the message from the card, I found myself getting very clear and firming up my commitment to doing this run come hell or high-water. I decided that I would run, but I wanted a Goddess to come along with me. So I used Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance oracle cards and asked for a Goddess to come forth who would help me handle this run with grace. Grace was the important word for me here. I didn’t want to go out and have my emotions miraculously change because in my mind, that’s me glossing over my authentic feelings. Instead, I wanted to be present with my emotions, both negative and positive, and just be present with the run being simply willing to run in spite of my resistance. I shuffled the oracle deck and pulled a card. You know what? It was a card that I have never seen before. I’ve been using this deck for at least three years and I didn’t know that it was even in the deck! It was the Goddess Sekhmet! On the card, she is dressed in purple and she looks like a glorious queen with two male lions at her side. Here is the message on the card:
You are stronger than you think you are, and your strength assures a happy outcome… See yourself as strong and victorious. Don’t complain about anything. Don’t blame anyone or any condition. You’re the embodiment of strength, not victimhood. As you rise above the old tendencies and see yourself in the new light of beautiful feminine strength, your life will automatically shift in miraculous ways… Being strong means seeing yourself in the most favorable light you can imagine. Be real, allow yourself to feel genuine emotions, but most of all, be strong.
Again with the wow. I wept when I read those first words because it was the perfect response. It felt like kind words of wisdom were coming from a dear, wise friend. I was definitely being embraced by the Goddess here. It was awesome that I have never gotten that card before. For it to have come into my conscious awareness at this exact moment was utterly magical. Also, the wording of the message was so purely aimed at me and this situation. I was overwhelmed by how powerful I have become to bring forth with precision what I desire and need when I desire and need it.
I went out on my run with words of appreciation on my lips. I chanted Sekhmet Devi’s name as I made my way up the hill. Oh, how it hurt to run! I was panting and fatiguing and my muscles were burning and all the while my egoic mind was pulling at me, trying to get me to turn around. I imagined the goddess Sekhmet running beside me… but then, because my pace was so damned slow, I abandoned that visualization. Hahahaha! It was too stressful to picture her walking next to me as I huffed and puffed through my run. That was how slow I was. I think my pace was probably a 14 minute mile up the hill. But you know what? I completed the run. I finished with flair and enthusiasm.
There’s a point to me sharing this with you and it’s this: Help is ALWAYS here when you need it. Ask for it. The angels, archangels, elementals, devas, ascended masters and your ancestors are here for you. Call upon them and enjoy the love of these benevolent beings. The planets and stars are here for you, too. So are the trees and the butterflies. Gosh. this world is full of loving assistance. Ask for what you need. And hey! If you don’t have a deck of tarot or oracle cards yet, then get yourself a set! That’s like having God in your pocket, yo!
AND OMG. Sekhmet Devi and Durga Devi represent the same energy! WOW! So blessed!