The view of the field across from my cottage here in Normandie…
A strange epiphany… I was reading the 12 steps of Overeater’s Anonymous and when it got to steps # 6 and 7, I felt so much resistance rise up inside of me. These two steps were terribly threatening. Here they are:
#6 Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
#7 Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
The things that bugged me were about turning over my ‘defects of character’ and ‘shortcomings’ to God. When I looked at my deeply rooted beliefs, I saw that I have a belief that says that things like character changes have to be earned, challenged and take a long time. When I read those two steps, I thought, Ha! That’s too easy! “Ask God to simply take away my character defects and remove my shortcomings? That’s the lazy way. That’s the way for people who don’t want to work hard for things. That’s not for me!” WOW! That was MY voice in my head talking.
When I looked back at my life, I never valued anything that came easy. And when things came easy for me, I would get bored or else I’d stir up trouble and make life hard. When I was young, I was a hell-raiser, but that bullshit caught up with me and I found myself suffering tremendously over the last several years. OOOOoh! Thank God/Goddess that last year was a nine year and it was the end of the cycle of bullshit. Is anybody else feeling renewed in the new year?
I sat with this belief and asked myself if it is still serving me. I mean, once upon a time, it did serve me! I was a hard-working woman and I was totally disciplined when I was young. I got praised for all of it. The praise validated my struggle and reinforced the suffering. “You get closer to God when you sacrifice.” But I saw that the belief does NOT serve me any longer. I feel perfectly ready for Source to unburden me of character defects and shortcomings!
So I looked at what life would be like if my character defects and shortcomings were suddenly removed. The vision I got was one of a vast open sky and the sun coming over the horizon. The voice in my head said, “Yeah, but what are we going to do if everything comes easy? I like challenges!” But then another voice came up inside of me and said, “Those so-called challenges you were facing were distractions from you taking responsibility for your joy and passion. Those so-called challenges were created by your character defects and shortcomings. You were living in a world of their making– not your own.”
I sat with that for a few minutes and realized that this voice was speaking true. I stayed stuck in a rut because it was more comfortable than living my life untethered.
So I sat with this new belief– I believe that a living in joy and love is totally fulfilling and satisfying and that I am still a good person, even though I give up my character defects and shortcomings easily.
I then felt totally inspired for my future. In an instant, I felt full of light and vision, hope and fire. BOOM. Yeah. Pow!
I then took a tarot card and this is what is said:
“This card indicates that you’ve worked hard to set things in motion in certain areas of your life, and you’re now wiating for the results to come to fruition. The number 2 is all about choice and decision. In the past, you may have been afraid of making decisions or choices, but now YOU’RE NO LONGER HELD PRISONER BY THIS FEAR OR THE CONSTRAINTS OF OLD BELIEFS…”
How about that for affirmative?!