Valentine’s Past

 

  This is a post that I made last year on Facebook at Valentine’s Day… 

So a few weeks ago I posted about how I went out on a wonderful date with a man to whom I was not physically attracted. I shared that I felt like I needed to do my own shadow work because I had a feeling I was self-sabotaging. You all gave me some really good advice reminding me that I should feel confident calling in a partner that turned me on on all dimensions– spiritually, mentally and physically. Every single person contributed meaningful advice which I carefully considered. 


What it came down to was this: I needed to do my shadow work to find out why I wasn’t attracted. I found that actually, I had some pretty fucked up issues about my own beauty and my own sense of power and possession about beautiful objects– myself included. After sitting with my Inner Child for a few days, I went out on date #2 with the man. Would I be turned off? Would I start self-sabotaging?

We had a wonderful second date with the man listening intently as I shared my deep metaphysical theories and inspirations. I listened enthralled as he shared complex engineering concepts and matters pertaining to physics. Our conversation flowed so easily and with genuine care. Super deep, super intimate. Did I feel attracted to him physically? No. In fact, I felt angry and prickly all over. Damn it. Back to the lab to dig deeper into my own personal issues. I had made another date with him for Friday because our telephone conversations and text messages throughout the week were so invigorating and sweet and romantic. My intuition said that something is brewing.

Date #3… He picks me up and we head to a local park to sit and chill in the sun. It was again, so pleasant and intimate. Then it’s off to Little India for dinner. Embarrassingly, the crew at the restaurant remembered me from my last visit with yet another bald Sagittarius man, Captain America. The Captain was 6’4″ and this man is closer to my height, but still, it is funny that they’re both bald Saggies! I gotta remember not to take dates to my favorite eateries!!!! My baaaaaad!  We had a lovely time exploring Little India and over dinner, he carefully explained about black holes and some sort of gravity wave that has passed through the earth. He’s so damned smart and doesn’t leave me hanging stupidly as he shares the things that he loves.

After dinner, we headed to the movies to see Star Wars because, as he insisted, I was running out of time and might miss it on the big screen. As we sat in the theater giggling at the wacky previews, I got this uncontrollable urge to hold his hand. Up to this point, there had been no physical contact except for a couple of brief hugs of greeting and farewell. So as the movie began with its usual back story being rolled into space, I felt a wave of excitement rise inside me as my Inner Child remembered what she loved in her past– Star Wars! Chewbacca, Luke, Princess Leia, Han Solo, and all the rest. That’s when my heart softened. That’s when I felt this wave of warmth pass from my date to me. And that’s when I stopped resisting him and he took my hand I felt a powerful surge of energy…

And he held my hand for a long time. It was very powerful. I’ve never felt anything like it.

And then he put around me.

And then I melted into a puddle of bliss and knowing.

My tarot cards don’t lie. This man and I have a connection that is undeniable.

When we exited the theater, I didn’t find that he was particularly handsome, I mean, he’s okay looking. But I did find him unbearably sexy. Hells yeah. That is a good feeling!

By the way, I have my first Valentine’s date in over 10 years. That’s a long time. I suppose that I could have done shadow work years ago, but this is the life I am living. I’m not looking behind at what I didn’t have or didn’t do. I am not looking forward to the future. I am in the present moment. There is a cute little dog here and my best friend is coming over for dinner. I’m making her a pizza because I know that it will give her pleasure. Hey! Now there is a cat on my bed, too! I have a very good life. I live in the present moment and I don’t believe the hype of my own egoic self. I am happy that I can feel with my heart and see with my heart and use my brain to bring me clarity, but not drive this epic ship that is ME.

Big hugs and Happy Valentine’s Day.

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