Be careful, friend. Don’t build your self-esteem on outside validation. The problem is that we don’t value our own opinions enough to even be able to receive our own validation! So why are we enabling one another to seek outside ourselves for what is golden within us already??
Your self-esteem should be built on your own magnificence. If you don’t recognize your own magnificence, then you have work to do to establish your authority in yourself.
If you are looking for validation outside of yourself then you’re looking in the wrong place. I’m sorry, but you can vent and tell your side of the story until you’re blue in the face, but until YOU validate YOURSELF, you’re not going to be truly satisfied. Any satisfaction you get will be temporary– as are all things that are outside of us.
You know outside validation is temporary because the moment you get off the call from venting to your first friend, you ring up another and vent to that one. And then a year later, when a similar incident happens again (which it inevitably will because you haven’t done the hard Shadow work to resolve the issue) you will bring up this exact same issue with the exact same energy as if it happened just yesterday.
I’ve watched all my friends do it– even the so-called ‘woke’ or ‘enlightened’ ones. They get triggered and then they go around to everybody that will listen and they repeat the story.
AND of course, I do it, too… but not actually anymore. I’ve gone off the deep end with my life and I turn everything over to my Soul and Higher Self now. My friends get to hear my Shadow stories after I have resolved them. I share out of excitement from the awakening, not because I need them to validate me and take the responsibility of my reaction off my shoulders.
Hey, I’m ALL about venting and getting things off your chest in the spirit of emotional wellness. I recognize the benefit of expressing emotions and telling stories. But I am NOT and never will be about building your self-esteem on outside validation. And that’s what we tend to do. Our self-esteem rides on the back of what other people think about us.
Nope. Not having it.
Do we need outside validation? Only to a degree. Outside validation is helpful to make you temporarily feel better so that you can get calm enough to go inside yourself and work through your trigger. But actually, in the cases that I’ve seen, you really need to feel the full pain of that trigger so that you can dive into the emotions. It’s a heck of a lot easier to do Shadow work when you’re triggered and hot and you can feel the raw pain. So don’t tamp down the energy by unloading on someone else– learn to hold space for yourself and validate yourself.
Talking to another person is fine, but you still have to deal with the emotions that you are storing in your body and that are festering in the back of your mind. You have to do Shadow work, friends. And you have to sit down and feel your feelings, even though it is terribly uncomfortable. I AM ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THIS IS REALLY HARD TO DO. But it’s a key component of healing.
Will I validate you when you need it? Sometimes I will because I understand that you may not be ready to confront your own dark Shadow. But by giving you validation, I want you to understand that I am essentially enabling you to build your self-esteem on a lie. So while I’m validating you on the outside, please, you go inside and validate yourself! You’re the one with the authority in your life. You’re the one that counts.
You don’t need my validation. You only need your own. Take your authority and your right to your own opinion directly from your own Inner Presence. You have God inside you. Take your validation from that fact. You don’t need validation from your spouse, your parents, your boss, your buddies, your priest, your teacher or your guru. The validation they give you is not actually reaching you anyway because you have to accept your own authority in order to truly receive validity. And if you’re looking outside yourself for validity, you’re not actually in authority.
A lack of inner Authority is why you keep getting triggered by the same things year after year. If you would stop relying on validation from outside yourself and you stopped hiding your magnificence behind your adoration of everybody else’s opinion, you would find that you don’t need anybody’s approval or input on your various tribulations.
Look, I know that I’m being extreme in this post. I also know that awakening to your own Authority is not easy. But you have to start sometime. And you know what? I am so tired of watching grown-ass men and women looking outside themselves to make themselves feel better. It’s nobody’s job to make you feel better FOREVER. If you need a quick fix, fine! Get your validation and then go home and work on your relationship with yourself. Don’t just let me validate you and then you keep on living through your ego.
So here’s the deal– vent your feelings and tell your story… and then go home that very night and hold presence with yourself while you feel your feelings and do your Shadow work. And the icing on the cake is to VALIDATE YOURSELF. You be the one to look at yourself and say, “Yes, you are correct!” And YOU BE THE ONE TO THINK YOUR OPINION AND PERSPECTIVE MATTERS!!!
And as always, if you want to dive deep into spiritual empowerment and do the work to be the authority in your life, then book yourself in for a complimentary Emotional Wellness Strategizing Session. We’ll talk about your needs and how I can be of service to you.