“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī
Do you ever wonder who your Higher Self is and why he or she is expressing his or herself as you? I mean, why are you you and not me, for example? Or G.W. (G Dubya?)
As I was sitting in meditation this morning, I felt like there was someone around me. Someone bigger than me, calmer than me, more grounded then me. It did not feel like me myself, but I felt like I belonged to them. In my mind’s eye, I saw a beautiful heart in my chest and that this heart was the heart that I shared with this bigger, calmer me. Her heart was kind of behind my heart and our hearts were joined by a golden thread of energy.
My ego quickly began counting the difference between ‘me’ and ‘Her.” It went into separation and started naming off my problems and highlighting were I was falling short. It was a quick download of everything that I was doing wrong in this moment and then it was a tally of my shortcomings. She’s not sick. She’s not confused. She’s not addictive.
As my ego started narrating me according to its perception, I started feeling myself get squeezed. All of a sudden there was another woman sitting inside my Higher Self with me. She looked at me with disdain and contempt. She was very, very black—not like an ebony-skinned beauty from Nigeria… but rather she was black like she had been very badly burned. The right word is charred. She turned away from me like she could not bare the thought of me seeing her and she sat there inside of my Higher Self along side me. I felt a sense of wonder at this broken and being. I felt afraid of her power and I felt a sense of dread for her story, which I knew was one of fear, betrayal and disappointment. But more than anything, I felt afraid of getting lost in her to the point that I would become irretrievable.
Suddenly, there was another aspect of myself on the scene. This one was sick with a cold. She was leaning back in the bed clutching a book to her chest. She had a hot water bottle on her tummy, a cold pack on her head, a thermometer in her mouth, and an inhaler. Her eyes were half-shut and watered as she sneezed and blew her nose. She looked at me with a hunger for pity. While that first aspect did not surprise me, but made me feel rather sad, this one made me giggle a little. She was a caricature of a sick person and I knew that all of her symptoms were illusions. She liked the attention that she would get from her mom whenever she got sick. It was the one time her mom would stop calling her names and would actually hold her and attend to her with nurture and care.
As I sat with my aspects, my awareness spread and I found that there were many other aspects present. They ran the gamut from fiery exuberance, to hungry predator, to romantic artist, to joyful innocent. All of these beings were part of me and thus all of these beings were inside of my Higher Self. So what then what was the difference between my Higher Self and me?
Okay, I don’t want to offer this next bit like it is fact. I consider myself to be a philosopher and I base my philosophies on what I’ve studied, but the most importantly, it is ‘the ring of Truth’ that comes from my own personal Inner Guidance system. What I mean is, if it feels true, there is a thing that happens in my body and mind. It is as if a choir of angels start singing in my head, my heart and my body and I become untethered. For me, ‘the ring of truth’ feels like alignment. It is like an “A-ha” moment with roots that reach back to the Ultimate Source. This is my untethered Intuition.
As I sat there squeezed into my Higher Self along with all these other aspects of my personality, I realized that there are many differences between my Higher Self and what I perceive as me here on Earth, but the primary one is resistance. While I was having judgments, opinions and orders of value about all the aspects of me that I was witnessing, I was observing that my Higher Self remained in a peaceful state of bliss. She was neither shaken nor disturbed by my dis-ease or my fear. She was neither pleased nor relieved by my enlightenment. My Higher Self was non-resistant and allowing, experiencing it all without the restrictions of the lower mind. My Higher Self was willing to sit still and allow all the drama to unfold around Her without attaching meaning to it. She was totally into the experience and the allowing. OOOOooooh. That’s so very different than me. SO VERY DIFFERENT. Me? I have an emotional maelstrom up in here. It’s crazy pants up in here. I live in the past, the deep past and in the past of my ancestors. I live in the future of three minutes from now aaaaaalll the way up to 20 years from now. I live in every moment but this one. Go ahead and name a moment. I’m in it as long as you don’t say, “Now.” If you say now, I’m gonna mold it into a past wound or a future challenge. That’s my personality. I’m an Aquarius with an Aquarius rising and a Virgo Moon. YiKES!
I decided to try on my Higher Self’s perspective of non-resistance. First of all, I had to stop thinking. I started focusing on my breath and relaxing the activity in my brain. That was easy! I love that feeling of letting go. It’s like falling from an airplane into a puffy and safe cloud of love. I love that feeling.
So instead of resisting and judging my different states, moods and experiences, I breathed them all back into myself with a sense of acceptance… but actually, that still felt resistant. Acceptance felt like there was still a wall around my heart. I felt separated from my selves like they were coming to me and I had a choice of whether to accept them or not. It was a start, but not the real thing that wanted to happen through me. And then I realized: Unconditional Love! No resistance = Unconditional Love.
With my next deep breath, I inhaled my aspects with Unconditional Love. Sick woman, charred woman, dancing girl, she who blurts inappropriate remarks, the woman who takes her toys and goes home when she doesn’t get her way, running me, she who barfs at yoga, traveling me, scared me, shy me, disconnected me, clever me, happy me, compulsive me, skinny me… you get the picture. For several breaths, I took my Higher Self’s perspective and I loved myself without condition.
“Come on in her, ladies! You are welcome here. You have a home here. I am you. You are me. We are one.” That’s what I was saying not just with my mind, but with my whole being.
There’s an exercise that I take people through when I am teaching them Shadow Work. It involves looking at a negative situation without resistance. They have to ask themselves, “How would my life improve if I accepted the situation that is giving me the blues?” The first time they come to this part of the exercise, there is always that moment of utter resistance—“I would NEVER accept this,” is always the initial response.
“How would my life improve if I accepted that my family hates me? My life could NOT improve if my family hated me! If they don’t love me, it sucks!”
The thing is, we too often try to change the exterior world and we don’t take enough responsibility for loving the interior world. The point of the exercise is to take you from a state of resistance to a state of ALIGNMENT with your Higher Self. How funny to think about our Higher Selves as being resistant. They wouldn’t be any different than we are! That’s not the Higher Self! The Higher Self sees and knows beyond the illusion. They are nestled unconditionally in the Light of God/Goddess. They are not working on changing the family, but rather holding space for us in peace as the family evolves along it karma.
When I take my clients through that exercise and they start relaxing their minds, it can look something like this…
“How would my life improve if I accepted that my family hates me? Well, I suppose that I would be free of all the pain I feel from focusing on and thinking about how much they hate me all the time.”
I usually ask them at this point, “What would you do with that freedom? I mean, if you’re not thinking about and focused on that pain, what would you be thinking about?”
Sure as shit, the next response would be offered with a beam of light, “I’d be thinking about what I want to do with my life! I’d think about fun stuff. Things I want to create!”
BOOM. Higher Self’s perspective and the opportunity it brings.
The idea of No Resistance is about taking back yourself from the clutches of wounding, not by denying or suppressing, but by unconditionally loving and allowing the creativity to flow naturally.
This morning in meditation, I breathed in myself and I felt as open and expansive as my Higher Self. I felt the love for myself that God/Goddess feels for me. I want to encourage you to tune into your Higher Self today. But see if you can back-door it by using your resistance as a guide. Whenever you feel yourself saying no, try pausing and feeling for peace or allowance. Ask yourself, “What would happen if I just let go right now?” And then allow. Okay, look. We don’t do this with physical threats. If you’re hanging off the side of a building or a couple of zombies are coming at you, for goodness’ sake hold on or RUN. But the chances are you’re resisting situations that are NOT life threatening at all—they’re EGO-threatening and you think that’s your life because you’re misidentified. Anything that threatens your ego should be invited because our egos are out of line, having us hold onto shit that doesn’t serve us any longer. But that’s another story. Go enjoy your day with your Higher Mind. Go have some fun being untethered.